Lord of the Hat Read online

  We all got off and thanked the cranky conductor for a really long ride. The town of Tolk was beautiful. A lot of famous people came here to relax or get away from it all. There were huge pine trees and mountains that looked proud to be placed where they were. There was an old-fashioned-looking Main Street with a lot of stores on it.

  The hotel we were staying at was almost directly across the street from the train station. So we just carried our stuff over the road and up to the front door.

  The hotel looked too fancy to be located in the town of Tolk. It had shiny gold trim around all the window edges, and a huge front entrance where a man in a long coat held the door open for us.

  It was even fancier inside the hotel. There were all kinds of paintings and chandeliers. There were also rugs so soft and thick that I almost got stuck in one.

  In the lobby, there was a little sign welcoming all the members of the small business groups. My dad had my mom take his picture by it.

  When we checked in, the man at the counter said that my dad was the honored guest, so we got some of the best rooms in the hotel. My dad was so happy, he looked like he was going to pass out from joy. I kept glancing around nervously. I was worried that someone might find out Seussol was on my shoulder. Occasionally I would see my mom stare at me as if something was wrong. So I stepped away from my parents to study the tourist pamphlets the hotel had available for the taking.

  I was super happy to find the one I needed. I took it and stared at the picture on the front. I was speechless! Bartholomew’s Hat looked just like …

  It was a small stone mountain shaped like a hat with the face of Beardy carved into the side of it. I put the pamphlet into my pocket and joined my family. I didn’t know what was happening, but I felt pretty sure that nobody else in the world was dealing with the surprise of finding out that the face on their closet doorknob was also carved on the side of a stone hill in New Mexico.

  Our rooms were really nice. It seemed more like the kind of place a president or movie star would stay, not a playground salesman’s family. When I told my dad this, he said,

  After everyone cleaned up, we had dinner at the hotel restaurant. It was packed with smart people who had probably driven up in their cars instead of taking the slow train. During dinner my dad told us some of the fun things we could do tomorrow:

  My dad rattled off a ton of ideas. Libby and Melany wanted to go to the outlet mall, and my mom and Tuffin wanted to go to the petting zoo. I knew exactly what I needed to do and exactly how to ask for it.

  I handed the pamphlet I had picked up over to my dad. He loved the idea. He was pretty keen on fitness and the outdoors. So the plan was for the girls to go shopping, my mom and Tuffin to go zooing, and the rest of us to hike to Bartholomew’s Hat. Then, when the hike was over, we would come back and my dad would get ready for his ceremony. I think Seussol was happy with the itinerary, because he kept whispering in my ear.

  After dinner we walked to a store for Jack to buy some new shoes. He had a hard time making up his mind.

  After shoe shopping we went to Dairy Queen for a treat and then watched a play at an old playhouse on Main Street. The play wasn’t very good, but they handed out marshmallows for us to throw at the villains.

  I don’t know how the play ended, because Jack kept throwing his marshmallows at the main girl and got himself kicked out.

  Trevor and I decided to leave with him. The three of us and Seussol waited outside of the playhouse for everyone else to finish watching the play.

  I was trying to use single words because now almost everything else I said was coming out as a rhyme. It was pretty embarrassing, and it made me want to help Seussol so he could return to the closet and I could start talking normal again instead of saying stuff that didn’t make sense.

  When the play ended, everyone came out and we walked back to the hotel. My parents went to their room with Tuffin, Libby and Melany went to theirs, and me and my friends went to ours. There were two beds in our room and a roll-away cot. Me and Trevor got the beds, and Jack took the roll-away.

  I made a little nest on the chair next to me for Seussol. He took off the ring and reappeared. He rested in the nest while we all stared at him and asked questions to all his personalities.

  Seussol seemed to love our questions, and he answered them all using one of his three personalities.

  After a ton of questions, Trevor began to yawn loudly and Jack put on his headphones and closed his eyes. Seussol got comfortable in his chair. He looked a little sad.

  So I went to my parents’ room and softly knocked on the door. My mom opened up and held her finger in front of her mouth to indicate that Tuffin was asleep and I needed to be quiet.

  My mom got me the book and promised not to tell my dad even though I didn’t ask her to. I read it to Seussol and then called it a night.

  CHAPTER 13

  THE EPIC QUEST

  I slept well and so did Seussol. In the morning, me and my friends went down and took full advantage of the free breakfast.

  I felt like I needed to say that so they didn’t think we were just three freeloaders trying to make off with sausage and waffles.

  After breakfast my mom and Tuffin took a shuttle to the petting zoo, and Libby and Melany took one to the outlet mall. The trail to Bartholomew’s Hat wasn’t that far away from our hotel so we walked about half a mile to where the trail began.

  At first it was kind of a nice hike. The ground was fairly level, and the trees and the grass and flowers swayed with the light wind. But after about two miles, the trail became steep, the trees looked mean, and the wind blew against us like a big bully. Seussol stayed on my shoulder the whole time. Occasionally he would whisper something in my ear like,

  A little over halfway there, Seussol jumped off my shoulder to go chase what he thought was a wounded goblin. I just kept hiking and trying to look tougher than Trevor and Jack. Trevor was holding up, but Jack was complaining every step.

  It’s probably not smart to go on a long hike in new shoes, but there was no way my dad was going to just leave Jack in the woods while we kept going. I wanted to turn back too, but I knew this was a quest we had to finish. My dad tried to cheer Jack on.

  While my dad was consulting the map, he noticed a shortcut that went through a long mining tunnel and came out near Bartholomew’s Hat.

  I whispered to see if Seussol was back on my shoulder yet. He didn’t reply, and I had no idea if we needed to stick to the designated trail or if it was okay to take shortcuts on our quest. I tried to get everyone to stay on the trail, but Jack kept chanting,

  I really wanted to take a shorter route too. I mean, it sounded fun to hike through a mining tunnel. But I needed to make sure Seussol could find us. My dad started walking again, and he broke off from the main trail and headed toward a cliff wall. We all followed. I pretended like I was singing some folksy song, but I was really just trying to call out for Seussol.

  Trevor joined in, and we sang all the way to the opening of the tunnel. I think the sign made us a little nervous about our choice. Jack tried to sound brave:

  The tunnel was really dark. It wound through the mountain and smelled wet and salty. The flashlight didn’t shine that far ahead, so we couldn’t see much. My dad suddenly stopped and asked,

  For the record, that’s not a good thing for an adult to ask kids when they’re in the middle of a dark tunnel in a strange part of the world. One of my friends started to whimper. I’m not sure which one because it was so dark. My dad said,

  My dad had just made both of my friends whimper. I would have joined in, but I was hoping that whatever was moving behind us was Seussol. My dad offered an explanation, but my friends weren’t buying it.

  I wanted to pretend that I wasn’t scared, but when I put my hand on my chest, I could feel my heart beating wildly. I could also feel the manly necklace Janae had given me to remember her. It was hard to believe that not that long ago I was sitting with her in the safety of the Temon Mall ea
ting fries and listening to her tell me about fascinating things like,

  I hoped I wouldn’t become one of those dying guys. We all started to walk faster through the tunnel. My dad kept saying that there was nothing to worry about, but then he added,

  We all started to walk much faster. Actually, our walking had turned into a run. Jack took turns screaming for his safety and then screaming about his feet. Trevor was blowing his whistle as hard as he could, and my dad was hollering,

  I could see the end of the tunnel. Jack shoved us all aside to race for the light. Trevor kept blowing his whistle while my dad told us to panic in an orderly fashion. We busted out of the tunnel, and the light flooded our eyes. Nobody stopped running, because we still thought there could be a mountain lion behind us. But the light was blinding and our eyes had not adjusted to the sun yet.

  Jack tripped over a tree root, and Trevor crashed into him. I fell over Trevor, and my dad tripped over another root and flew over all of us. We all came to a stop in a big heap at the base of a tree.

  We looked back at the tunnel we had just passed through. There was nothing coming out. But as I stood up, I could feel something jump up onto my shoulder and grab hold of my neck.

  The mining tunnel turned out to be a really good shortcut. I could see Bartholomew’s Hat right in front of us now, sparkling under the sunlight.

  I was excited to climb to the top. Jack was not. His feet really hurt, and he wasn’t sure he could take another step.

  There was really only one solution. It was weird, but it seemed promising, and my dad kept talking about how the solution was good for him too.

  It was not easy climbing the stone stairs up to the top of Bartholomew’s Hat. My dad had to set Jack down at least a dozen times. My legs were sore. Seussol wasn’t tired at all.

  When we finally reached the top, we were exhausted. I was surprised we had made it, surprised that my dad had not died carrying Jack, surprised that Trevor was still happy, and surprised to find that on top of Bartholomew’s Hat there was a small gift shack next to a fire. It wasn’t very exotic.

  The biggest surprise was how Horton, the gift shack guy, reacted to seeing us. For some reason, Horton was excited about Jack. It was like he thought he was a king or something. Jack climbed down off of my dad’s shoulders and proclaimed,

  Horton went on and on about how Jack was wearing a shirt with the face of Bartholomew. When Horton saw the Beardy imprint on Jack’s hand, he almost passed out.

  Horton told us that many years ago, his grandfather made things out of metal from the area, and that he crafted a doorknob out of the best materials and with the special fire of Bartholomew. When Horton heard that I owned the doorknob, he turned to me and told me to …

  I thought it was funny that Beardy’s real name was Bartholomew. My dad was pretty confused by everything that was happening. He had been the one who had found Beardy at a garage sale and brought him home for my closet. And now some strange man on the top of a big hat-shaped rock was telling us that my doorknob was special.

  While Horton was showing us his awful creations, out of the corner of my eye I could see that something was happening near the fire. Seussol had hopped from my shoulder and had slipped the ring off his finger. He was roasting one of his rings like a marshmallow.

  I wanted to know what he was doing, but I also didn’t want to give away Seussol’s identity. Horton had gone nuts when he saw Jack’s hand. I imagined he would freak out if he saw Seussol. My dad, as usual, was interested in everything and wanted to learn more from Horton, but he was also distracted. He needed to go back to the hotel and get ready for his speech, and he knew it would be slow going with Jack. I could feel Seussol jump back onto my shoulder.

  I wasn’t really sure what he had done, but I was glad he had done it. This quest had been almost as weird as I thought it would be. My dad told Horton all about the award he was going to win and how we needed to hurry off. So we left the top of Bartholomew’s Hat and began the return hike. Unfortunately, the hike back to the hotel took forever. Nobody wanted to take the tunnel, so it was extra long, and Jack complained the whole way.

  When we finally made it to the hotel, it was only an hour or so until my dad’s award ceremony. My father practically threw Jack off his shoulders and raced to his room to get ready. Libby and Melany were in the lobby with my mom and Tuffin. Tuffin was pretty pumped up, because he had won a goldfish from one of the games at the petting zoo. My mom wasn’t as pumped.

  Seussol jumped from my shoulder. I couldn’t see him, but it sounded like he was swinging from one of the hotel chandeliers. While Jack and Trevor were fighting over who would press the button on the elevator and my mom and Tuffin walked away, I looked at the chandelier and asked,

  Seussol’s three personalities were not easy to understand, but the cat part of him was right about the day being a very different-doofy-day.

  CHAPTER 14

  HOTEL ALONE

  For some reason my parents decided that they didn’t want to bring Tuffin to the awards ceremony.

  So they were going to take Libby and Melany and wanted us to stay in our room and keep an eye on Tuffin. And as my mom put it,

  I was pretty happy about not going. I was tired from hiking, and room service and movies sounded great.

  After my parents left, we ordered a bunch of food and half a cake. I tried to get Seussol to appear so that he could tell us what had happened on Bartholomew’s Hat. It took a lot of begging, but finally he slipped off the ring and materialized.

  He told us how he had needed to take some of the rings to the fire and make something important. He pulled it out of his pocket and showed us.

  We all looked closely at the strange object. It didn’t look that amazing. Trevor asked about the other rings. Seussol told us that all the rings had numbers. The ones he had forged in the fire were rings three, four, five, and six. The one he was wearing was ring seven. Trevor wanted to see the others. Seussol reached into his pocket and pulled the remaining rings out. He laid them on the wood table.

  It was at that moment that room service knocked on the door and I went and opened it. They pushed a cart covered with food in and left. When I closed the door and looked back, I saw Jack and Tuffin holding ring one and ring two.

  Seussol should have known better than to tell Jack and Tuffin what not to do. Of course they both slipped the rings on.

  I don’t know how to explain it, but something happened to Jack and Tuffin. Their eyes went wild, and their hair puffed up. They started running around the room jumping on things.

  This was bad. I was now in full rhyme mode, and Jack and Tuffin were in full mess mode.

  Ring One and Ring Two! They ran up, they ran through. They knocked down the lamps and the food they all threw. They smeared things on windows and counters and floors. They kicked at the tables, the couches, and doors. They pushed over Trevor, they plowed right through me, they pounded on walls like a drum symphony. They broke a big plate, bent a fork and a spoon. They screamed like an angry Scram-a-bam-boon.

  They swung from the light, they swam through the beds. They banged up our elbows, our knees, and our heads. They couldn’t be caught, no, we three couldn’t catch them, so we set up a trap to outwit and outmatch them.

  Luckily, the shower trap worked. They both went for the cake, and when they were in there, we closed the shower door and locked them in. Seussol hopped over the door and took off both the rings they had put on. Jack and Tuffin just stood in the shower looking confused.

  We let them out and then all of us left the bathroom and took a good look at the hotel room. It was a mess. Actually, it was worse than a mess.

  I explained to Jack that he and Tuffin had done it. I also explained that if we didn’t get it cleaned up, we were going to be in big trouble. My mom had said not to mess up anything, and here we had messed up everything.

  Seussol pushed the cart around the room and began cleaning and scrubbing with supplies from the closet. His energy was more
contagious than my aunt Sally’s swamp fever. Everyone began to pick up and clean. We put all the messy things on the cart and worked as a team, scrubbing the walls and putting things in order.

  It took us a long time, but when we were done, I pushed the cart out into the hall and down in front of the maids’ station. It looked a little different than when it was first dropped off with our food on it.

  Ten minutes after I got back to the room, my parents returned with Libby and Melany. My dad wanted to show us his award, so he came into our room. He was so excited he didn’t even notice that our blankets and sheets were missing or that a few things had been rearranged.

  When my dad left, we all sighed a sigh of relief. Seussol appeared and started talking about how he wanted to take a bath to unwind. So I drew him a bath and let him unwind.

  After he finished his bath, I wrapped Seussol in a blanket and read him a book to help put him to sleep. Trevor and Jack listened in.